The Tonic of Wildness

The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation. What is called resignation is confirmed desperation. From the desperate city you go into the desperate country, and have to console yourself with the bravery of minks and muskrats. A stereotyped but unconscious despair is concealed even under what are called the games and amusements of mankind. There is no play in them, for this comes after work. But it is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things. - Walden, Henry David Thoreau

I embarked on this journey of daily writing in order to explore my own thoughts. I needed to work through everything we had going on and get organized.

When I say organized, I mean everything from my physical world to my priorities. What comes first? How do I want to spend my moments on a daily basis?

A lot of good has come from this writing.

Lately, I've also been aware that I'm missing something. Despite all the progress we've been making, there has been an underlying dissatisfaction.

A "quiet desperation" is the perfect way to put it.

I have been trying to figure it out. I know this will sound crazy, but I have been too busy to stop and think about it that much. Every day, I wake up and get to work. Every day, I set an intention to get done early so I can play with my kids.

With regularity, I find myself publishing this letter late because I worked straight through dinner, bedtime, and beyond.

I have been living the life of the mass of men. I went from the desperate suburbs to the desperate country.

There is no play in me, for this comes after work.

This comes as a bit of shock to me because I have always thought of myself as a fun person who loves to play. As Mike likes to say lately, actions speak louder than words.

I believe in hard work. I like to work. This is not a critique of doing good work.

This is a critique of perpetually delayed play.

I am out here talking about the theory of wildness and failing to live the spirit of wildness.

I want to play.

I want to get out in nature and play.

I want to get out in nature and play with my kids more than anything else in the entire world right now.

This is the thing I have been trying to figure out. It's amazing how blind we can be at times. You are probably reading this and thinking that I've gone crazy, but I'm telling you a huge relief lifted off my shoulders when I realized that this is what is underpinning my low-key despair.

I owe this realization to Triana, who shared with me the phrase "the tonic of wildness" and matter-of-factly told me it was the title to the next letter I send out.

Convient, considering I was sitting here thinking What the hell am I going to write tonight?

This phrase comes from Walden by Henry David Thorough. This is one of my favorite books of all time.

This is why we named our son George Walden Heagy.

Here is the full quote about the tonic of wildness.

We need the tonic of wildness, — to wade sometimes in marshes where the bittern and the meadow-hen lurk, and hear the booming of the snipe; to smell the whispering sedge where only some wilder and more solitary fowl builds her nest, and the mink crawls with its belly close to the ground. At the same time that we are earnest to explore and learn all things, we require that all things be mysterious and unexplorable, that land and sea be infinitely wild, unsurveyed and unfathomed by us because unfathomable.

Wow. I don't know about you, but I find this moving.

I mean moving literally - I am going to change my behavior thanks to this reminder. I am in desperate need of the tonic of wildness.

For starters, I'm making time in the next week to go play with my kids in the wilderness somewhere. I don't know how or when, but I am making that happen with at least one overnight somewhere with a cozy wood stove.

Maybe we'll drag the bus out! I can already hear the heart beats of my entire extended family start to rise at the prospect - that's how I know I'm on to something good!

Second, my dream is to one day build a giant retreat that is part rewilded, regenerative farm and part retreat that allows people to come and experience the wild similar to Walden. If a community developed there, I would be happy.

I'm going to keep that vision front and center. It's easy to forget where you are aiming when you have so much going on.

Third, I've been working on the wilderness trips that I proposed a couple times over the past two months. There are two types of trips that will be available.

One type will be volunteer trips where we go help with a project related to farms, rewilding, or the wilderness. I'll have more details on these soon.

The second type are full blown "tonic of wilderness" trips where the only goal is to make a pilgrimage to a truly wild place.

I have not booked Algonquin yet.

Send me an email if you are interested in a trip there this year.

Third, and finally, I am going to start reading Walden again tomorrow in case any one wants to join and discuss.

Life is good!

Links:

• Email me here right now: rewildling@proton.me
• The Call of the Wild - About the Algonquin trip